Confessing Is Good For Me....

It's confession time over at the Sisterhood of Shrinking Jeans and I've been having a week that is worthy of confessing. I need to get this off my chest in hopes that I will start having a better week.

I'll just do bullet points since that seems to be the trend for confessing right now.

*I'm still working on getting the diet (ie, food) and stomach issues worked out. Therefore, every time I eat something I have to use the bathroom. Sometimes there is nothing but gas, sometimes it aint pretty. (sorry for tmi, just being honest here).

*I'm running in the Zooma Austin 5K in just under 3 weeks and I'm not feeling very confident in my ability to run much of it. Since I haven't felt good for the past couple of weeks I haven't been outside to run, until yesterday. It was a lot more walking than running and it was discouraging.

*Today it's rainy (which is good for the ground but bad for me to run). I was hoping to run again today but I'm not hardcore enough to run in the rain!

*That Kid came home to take care of some stuff here at home and That Other Kid and him are playing a LIFELY game of "go fish"!! I miss having my boys together!! Even the bickering, arguing and constant competitive activity! Soon That Kid will be gone away to Marine Corp boot camp and my house will be entirely too quiet!

*I think I have come to grips with the fact that he will be gone soon. I can't say I'm happy with it but at least he is acting like a mature young man and doing something to better himself.

*Stress has been a constant around here lately as the hubby continues looking for more architectural work and I'm trying really hard NOT to eat out of boredom or stress. I haven't always been successful but I think I am doing better than I usually do. I guess the scale will be the true judge of that.

So...what do you have to confess this week?

**Have you filled out a comment for my give away yet? I'm giving away a Jillian Michaels DVD in honor of my 2 year journey through losing weight. Go now cuz the give away ends tomorrow night!

Power of One - Week 5 STAGNANT

My title says it all I believe...I have become stagnant. I haven't gained and I haven't lost. I'm not at all pleased with this scenario. I have lost around 30 pounds which is all good and fine but according to the personal trainer at the gym and the way my clothes fit and I look in the mirror I still have at least 40 pounds to lose. I'm not doing it right now and I am VERY frustrated with the lack of movement on the scales. If I didn't know better I would say that the scale is broken but everyone else gets different weights when they get on the scale.

So here we go again...

Starting weight on 3/25/09: 226.8

Starting weight this challenge: 196.0
Last week's weight: 196.0

This week's weight: 196.0

You know if I were in the "maintenance stage" of my journey I would be THRILLED but I am nowhere close to that stage so I'm begging my Sisters for help!!

How do I move past this stupid plateau and start losing weight again?? Eat more, eat less, exercise more, exercise harder, exercise less!! HELP!!

As far as goals are concerned I am doing pretty good with these and I am quiet pleased that I have been able to be consistent with them.

Goals for the challenge:

Short term goal (for this 8 week challenge): 184 (which is what I weighed the day I found out I was pregnant with That Other Kid back in the spring of 2003 and I haven't seen it since) -- I am obviously struggling to accomplish this goal

Some of my healthy living goals:

EXERCISE DAILY -- it doesn't really matter what; running, walking, playing with the numerous Wii games I have...just something to get my body moving. I am happier and less stressed if I do some kind of exercise! I really want to do something for 30 minutes a day...but I know some days I'm not really going to commit to that length of time so I'm just going to say any time as long as I'm EXERCISING - meaning heart rate is elevated! : SCORE on this one!! I have exercised for 32 days in a row!! Only 2 of those days has it not been "real" exercise, but those 2 days I was doing HEAVY cleaning - moving furniture, etc.

DRINK MY WATER -- cuz I've found if I'm drinking water, I'm not drinking soda!! Studies show if you drink half your body weight in water daily you will lose weight, so right now that means I need to drink a minimum of 98 ounces of water! Score on this one too. and just for the record there has been a CASE of coke in my house since Friday night and I haven't had one single coke!! Thankyouverymuch

My next goal (and this one will make my hubby happy) is to CLEAN/ORGANIZE something in my apartment everyday for 30 minutes. We live in a 3 bdrm apartment and it is cluttered and disorganized. It is also full of STUFF that needs to find either a new home or be thrown away. Since I homeschool That Other Kid and hubby works at home we are usually all home, which means the place is easily cluttered!! This needs to be changed...We are all tired of clutter!! Well I haven't done it every day (and if truth be told I haven't done it most days, but the house is looking better and I'm getting better at getting things cleaned and organized.

My final goal for this challenge and this is strictly for ME (cuz this challenge is for ME, right?) -- READ MY BIBLE and something for FUN (either fiction or non-fiction) EVERY DAY!! I am doing really well with this one. I have skipped a couple of days of the Bible reading but then I went back and read a chapter for those days, and I have read something fun everyday!

I know stress plays a factor in weight loss but I have trying to channel my stress into more productive things like exercising and cleaning and I have been tracking my food into my LoseIt program. There have only been 2 days this week that were a problem in the numbers on paper!!

I will be traveling this week, so it will definitely be a different week for me(weather permitting which right now it isn't! UGH) to go to Kansas to help out my mom...she's prepping for knee replacement surgery RIGHT NOW, so please PRAY!! I'm sitting stranded in Texas because of the stupid snow/ice storm that has hit the country and can't get up there and it is really HARD!!

So tell me friends, what can I do different to pull off a HUGE loss next week? I REALLY need to have a loss this week! I'm frustrated and tired of seeing the same stupid number on the scale!!! So share your wealth of knowledge PLEASE!!

Week 4-- Power of One

Well I have to say that I am NOT pleased with my scales this morning. I was really expecting a decent loss on the scales today. I have been faithfully tracking my food and exercise this week, watching my calorie intake and making sure that when I eat I am truly hungry!! Not just eating when I need to take my mind off what is going on around me. So needless to say when I got on the scales and saw that I had some I was not a happy camper, but I am NOT gonna let it myself be discouraged. I am just gonna keep working my tail off and maybe next week I will have a really great loss! I have worked out for 25 straight days as a participating member of the 100 Days of Movement from Facebook and I have to admit I am proud of myself for that one! Its been fun to push myself in this way and there have been days when I haven't wanted to do anything but sit in front of my computer and waste time but I haven't!! I worked out...even if for the required 30 minutes!

So here are the stats:

Starting weight 3/26/09 -- 226.8

Starting challenge weight: 196.0
Last week: 195.6

This week: 196.0

So I know its not much of a gain but in my "head" a gain is a set back....but I am learning right now that my HEAD IS NOT IN CHARGE!! and its a good thing my head isn't in charge because my head is telling me "screw it all, you worked hard and this is the thanks you got"!! Yes, I did work hard and I didn't let stress get the best of me and I'm not going to let this SMALL gain set me back!! I'm still going to keep doing what I "KNOW" I need to do and NOT let this gain get me down!!

Next Wednesday is my mom's knee replacement surgery so I will be in Kansas, but I am planning to exercise as much as possible (my brother works in the local rec center and he's gonna get me some guest passes so we can workout together!) and I'm taking my scale with me so I can do my weigh in. I will borrow a computer so I can check in...

Hopefully there wll be a huge loss on the scale next week!!

Just a Few Confessions....

It's True Confessions time over at the Sisterhood and I wanted to get some things settled right here before my friends. So no delaying it with needless information and wordy explanations here are my confessions for this week.

The past 2 weeks I have been faithfully tracking my food and exercise on my LoseIt program on hubby's Ipod touch that he loaned/gave me. I have managed to burn off most of my excess calories. I think I only have 2 or 3 days where I really bonbed it. Some days I even fell well under "calories allotted" BEFORE I exercised! those were really good days, but the next day I felt like I was STARVING.ALL.DAY.LONG!! I have been faithfully logging everything I put in my mouth and have exercised 24 days in a row!!

Saturday and yesterday I did some heavy duty cleaning that I counted as my exercise for those 2 days. I consider moving furniture and scrubbing bathtubs, stoves and cabinets exercise!! I also wiped down walls and baseboards and washed windows...so lots of movement and muscle use for thesse 2 days! Saturday I took care of my house - at least some of it...I still have the living room (which will probably take a weekend all by itself) and my closet to do and I need to find the floor to That Other Kid's closet and get rid of some of the toys he never plays with but that will probably have to wait till this weekend. I can only cram so much into a week, ya know!!??

Yesterday, I went over to help my friend (with newly diagnosed breast cancer) thoroughly clean her master bedroom. Her mom and I are wanting to keep her as healthy as possible while she is going through the chemo treatments and having a thoroughly clean house will certainly help her breathe! She repeatedly told me how much she appreciated it. My only response to her was that helping her clean was something I could PHYSICALLY DO to help her. I NEED to DO something! and this sure beat EATING uncontrollably which is what I keep "wanting" to do because I am having a really hard time dealing with my best friend having breast cancer!! I have been doing pretty well with the stress of this, I think. Everytime I start "thinking" I want to eat something 'just because' I start cleaning or exercising!!

Apparently I am really serious about not letting this stress get the best of me this time!!

Additional confession of the day...I haven't seen That Kid in over 2 weeks (since he moved out of our place into his own with friends). I know he is 20 years old and about to be sent off for Marine boot camp but I miss him!! Maybe I miss him even more knowing that soon I won't be able to see him anytime I want cuz he will be out of state or out of the country!! I don't know....but I do think for the most part I am handling his absence in our family pretty well. Sometimes when I really am missing him I just start texting him random questions...hoping that I will get to "talk" to him in whatever way possible!! I invited him home for dinner tonight, so hopefully he will come eat with us so I can talk to him in person!! Of course, his brother will probably monopolize his time here but at least I will see him!!

My hubby asked me last night where I would like to go on a vacation if I could go ANYWHERE I WANTED. Um....I thought about it for a while and decided a 2 week vacation to Hawaii sounds like a perfect vacation. I want to hike, bike, sitesee and sit on the beach and be a bum (occasionally!) He said to plan on it within 18 months so I definitely want to be in tip top shape by then...don't want to be fat and out of shape for a trip like that!!

Ok...enough for today...just wanted to let ya'll know I am having a pretty successful (in my opinion) couple of weeks. We will see what the scales say tomorrow! Until then...hope ya'll have a good day!

Power Of One -- Week 2

It's Wednesday and that means weigh in day at the Sisterhood. This challenge is "perfect timing" for me...They must have known I would need some time with myself to get it together!

I was gonna come here and complain about the woes of my life. Telling ya'll that this week was hard. Telling you my mind is rattling around in my head giving me all kinds of crap to think about. How my heart is in the game of weight loss but my head just hasn't been.

But right before I came over to write this post I was on facebook and I saw this posted from Jillian Michaels (you are her friend, right?? She gives great tips!)

Tip: Don't blame anyone or anything for your situation or problems. When you do that you are saying that you are powerless over your own life - which is utter crap. An empowering step to reclaiming your life is taking responsibility. Although life may deal you some bad hands, evaluating the choices you make in response to those hardships is critical in affecting an outcome that is more favorable to you.


I liked it so much I enlarged it and printed it. I'm gonna post it on my fridge and my motivation board that is right above my computer!!

Since reading that post I've had to rethink my whole post! I can't blame anyone but myself for my progress (or lack thereof in this case). I can't blame my friends cancer (it's Stage 3, btw - not 4 which they were concerned about...Thank YOU GOD!!), I can't blame my 20 year son who is now a full fledged-sworn-into-the-United-States-Marine-Corp-recruit! I can't blame anyone or anything but ME!! My lack of true, "hard as nails" dedication just hasn't been there. I've been sitting here at my computer far too many hours a day.

I've been doing "ok" with the food. I've been doing "ok" with the exercise. I've been participating in the 100 Days of Movement Challenge going on over at Facebook and haven't missed a day. I've been trying to "channel" the stress into doing positive things in my life...but I've just had too much going on in my head to really take "the bulls by the horns" and do what I know needs to be done to lose the weight like I promised myself I would. Really they are all excuses. I'm exercising VERY late at night. I'm going to bed late and sleeping late. I'm not logging into LoseIt and tracking my food. I'm not eating enough veggies (really I'm not eating any, if truth be told). I am eating fruit but that's not really a problem. I like fruit! Its the veggies I struggle with.

So...here are the results of this weeks less than stellar effort.

Starting weight - 3/25/09 - 226.8
Starting Challenge weight - 12/29/10 - 196.0
Last week - 196.2
This week - 197.0

Yes, once again I gained weight. Once again I have proven to myself that I need to get serious with this and get over all the "gunk" going on and challenge myself and my stress into the right things....like LOSING WEIGHT!!

I promised myself (2012 self) that I would be "thinner than my son can remember" when he graduates boot camp and I'm not gonna do that if I don't get a grip and start losing this weight. He will probably leave for boot camp within the next couple of months so I need to get losing!

Times a-wastin'....so starting today I track my food, drink my water (which I have been good about), and really working on getting those pounds off for good! Any help, suggestions or kick in the a$$ would be greatly appreciated! Thanks ya'll!!

Weigh In Time -- Let's Get Honest

It's weigh in time again with the Sisters and I have to tell the truth here...I almost decided just to "forget" all about posting my numbers and blog today. I almost said "screw it". No one wants to hear my misery. No one really cares about the pathetic numbers on the scale this week or this whole challenge for that matter. Besides I don't really want to bring everyone down because I am having such pathetic success this time around.

BUT...I decided that maybe my misery can help someone out there. Maybe my past successes will bolster someone to begin their journey to losing weight. Maybe my pathetic weight loss this past 6 weeks will make someone else feel better about themselves.

So...Here we go...the sad, ugly truth...

We started this challenge on December 30 and I weighed in at 192.2.

Last week I weighed: 187.6

Today I weighed: 188.2

So over the past 5 weeks I have lost 4 measley pounds! This week I gained 1/2 pound AGAIN!!

When I started this journey nearly 1 year ago (March 25) I weighed 225.6 pounds so overall I have lost 37 1/2 pounds which is not a small amount (it's the most weight I have ever lost without giving birth to a big baby boy!), but it's not anywhere close to my goal. My goal is to be down 50 pounds by March 25. I still have 12 1/2 pounds to go and right now, honestly, it feels like 100 pounds!

Last night on the Biggest Loser Jillian told one of the girls (I think it was Andrea) not to worry about the small number of pounds lost and she was noticably frustrated....I can totally relate. How is it that I can be busting my butt every night for nearly an hour and sometimes longer and GAIN weight! I understand that stress plays a part in this scenario, but how can I deal with the stresses that are in my life right now? I can't just ignore the fact that we have no income coming in and a whole stack of bills sitting there waiting to be paid. I have been working hard at not eating just to be eating, and I have not been drinking cokes like my head keeps begging for. I haven't really been eating too much junk except for the half bag of potato chips I succumbed to the other day!

I hope this doesn't sound pathetic, but I have to be honest here...I feel like giving up and just saying screw it "I will just be a fat, unhealthy mom", but honestly I have too much at stake. I have a 6 year old and a 19 year old that depend on me and deserve to have a healthy, fit mom. I need to be healthy so that I can live to see my future grandchildren. I need to be healthy and fit so that I can enjoy living my life of the future. I need to be healthy to help others meet their goals. I have worked too hard over the past year to just "throw in the towel", but right this minute that's how I feel!!

Tomorrow (or the next day or day after) I will be mentally back on track and want to do what it takes to lose this weight. But today I am not there...Just being honest.

I hope that this honest assessment of my here and now is helpful to someone and I hope that next week I can look back at this post and say "wow! It's a good thing I didn't give in to the temptation of "throwing in the towel" because I really pulled through and have kicked it up to lose enough weight to meet my goals.

Tuesday Confessions....

Wow!! Do I have a list today? and they say that confession is good for the soul so I need to "just do it" and spill my confessions. Here goes:

Thursday I ate an entire bag of chocolate kisses that a girlfriend sent for Christmas. It was sent for the whole family....I devoured it before anyone else could have any!

I was sick afterwards....both mentally and physically. Will I ever learn??

I did it because I was stressed out and angry at my family for "demanding my time"! I ask you, is that a good reason to make myself physically and mentally sick? I think NOT!

Since then I have been FOCUSED on eating right. I even took protein bars to the hockey rink this weekend so I would eat those instead of being hungry and coming home and eating everything in sight!

I have been preparing meals for my family this week and we've ALL been eating together as a family! But I think I have been eating TOO much at dinner time. I need to cut back on my serving sizes.

That Kid has been home from college since December 18 and I have LOVED having him home. That Kid leaves for college on Saturday and I'm going to miss him TERRIBLY but it will be nice to have one less person in the house. It's crowded when we are all here together! Nice....but still crowded. It is also difficult to get into a real school schedule with That Other Kid...because they want to hang out together and I don't blame them!

That Kid has been working out with the P90X DVD's this week and I have been watching some of it! It is TOUGH!! and it's making me want to work out harder so I can get to the point where I can do this workout with him! I'm a long way from it though!! (I'm proud of him for being able to what he can with this workout!)

Stress is bad....and I have been able to deal with it MOST days (since Thursday) this week by walking away from it and going to hide out in the bathroom -- the furthest place from the kitchen.

I started working out with Jillian Micheal's Fitness Ultimatum and I commented to dh that I think she is trying to kill me! I have been sore, but feel like it is an excellent way to further get my body back to where it should be!

That's all folks....how's your week going?? Have any confessions to make? Go over to the Sisterhood and confess. It's good for your soul and it's wonderful to have friends to "feel your pain"!!