Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Weigh In Time -- Let's Get Honest
It's weigh in time again with the Sisters and I have to tell the truth here...I almost decided just to "forget" all about posting my numbers and blog today. I almost said "screw it". No one wants to hear my misery. No one really cares about the pathetic numbers on the scale this week or this whole challenge for that matter. Besides I don't really want to bring everyone down because I am having such pathetic success this time around.
BUT...I decided that maybe my misery can help someone out there. Maybe my past successes will bolster someone to begin their journey to losing weight. Maybe my pathetic weight loss this past 6 weeks will make someone else feel better about themselves.
So...Here we go...the sad, ugly truth...
We started this challenge on December 30 and I weighed in at 192.2.
Last week I weighed: 187.6
Today I weighed: 188.2
So over the past 5 weeks I have lost 4 measley pounds! This week I gained 1/2 pound AGAIN!!
When I started this journey nearly 1 year ago (March 25) I weighed 225.6 pounds so overall I have lost 37 1/2 pounds which is not a small amount (it's the most weight I have ever lost without giving birth to a big baby boy!), but it's not anywhere close to my goal. My goal is to be down 50 pounds by March 25. I still have 12 1/2 pounds to go and right now, honestly, it feels like 100 pounds!
Last night on the Biggest Loser Jillian told one of the girls (I think it was Andrea) not to worry about the small number of pounds lost and she was noticably frustrated....I can totally relate. How is it that I can be busting my butt every night for nearly an hour and sometimes longer and GAIN weight! I understand that stress plays a part in this scenario, but how can I deal with the stresses that are in my life right now? I can't just ignore the fact that we have no income coming in and a whole stack of bills sitting there waiting to be paid. I have been working hard at not eating just to be eating, and I have not been drinking cokes like my head keeps begging for. I haven't really been eating too much junk except for the half bag of potato chips I succumbed to the other day!
I hope this doesn't sound pathetic, but I have to be honest here...I feel like giving up and just saying screw it "I will just be a fat, unhealthy mom", but honestly I have too much at stake. I have a 6 year old and a 19 year old that depend on me and deserve to have a healthy, fit mom. I need to be healthy so that I can live to see my future grandchildren. I need to be healthy and fit so that I can enjoy living my life of the future. I need to be healthy to help others meet their goals. I have worked too hard over the past year to just "throw in the towel", but right this minute that's how I feel!!
Tomorrow (or the next day or day after) I will be mentally back on track and want to do what it takes to lose this weight. But today I am not there...Just being honest.
I hope that this honest assessment of my here and now is helpful to someone and I hope that next week I can look back at this post and say "wow! It's a good thing I didn't give in to the temptation of "throwing in the towel" because I really pulled through and have kicked it up to lose enough weight to meet my goals.