Thursday, March 27, 2008

A Day of Mixed Emotions

Today has been one of those days that has put my emotions through the ringer. I really don't like these kinds of days but they come with the territory of being a mom, so I guess I just have to learn to deal with them and pray myself through them.

I started the day way earlier than I wanted with That Other Kid coming in before 8 and telling me that it was time to get up. As I've mentioned a few hundred times I am not a morning person. Since I have been sick this time around I have been trying to go to bed earlier so that it is not such an issue when he wakes up early but last night I didn't crawl into bed till midnight (which is normal for me), but it took awhile to go to sleep, so 8 am didn't sit well with me.

I got up resisting the urge to scream "I'm tired, I wanna sleep" and walked into the living room and saw a mess from That Kid plus ALL his laundry that I told him to put away before I went to bed. This put me in a "mood". I moved all his laundry to the chair and laid down on the couch. Every time I got to sleep, I was woke by That Other Kid whining about needing something. By this time it was 9:30 and I really needed to get moving or at least pretending to do something. I had things I HAD to do today and had to shower and get moving. I fixed dh some breakfast and took it to him and That Other Kid followed me. He was trying to be "cute" and he spilled juice all over the carpet that had just been cleaned. I was not happy.

I informed him that he could clean the mess he made since he was being so difficult. So I put carpet cleaner down, laid a towel over it and told him to clean it. He was told to clean his mess or no tv!
He REFUSED!!!! I don't wanna, he cried over and over....I wanna watch tv!! After 30 minutes of this senerio I cleaned the carpet and went to the living room where there was another mess....this time of toys that had been laying there for several days. I told him if he wanted to watch tv he HAD to clean up all these toys..."I don't wanna" he cries again. Fine then you get NO tv..."but I wanna watch tv" Not till the toys are cleaned up! After about 45 minutes more of this he finally decided he would clean up his we were all happy! I got the toys cleaned up and he got to watch tv!!

Shortly after this my friend called me and encouraged me. She told me she had sat down and read through all my blog entries. She had so many encouraging things to say it really lifted me up! I was feeling good and was pleased that someone special to me thought I had value....You know how it is?? Some mornings you just need someone to tell you, you are special and good at something you enjoy! Thanks, for lifting me up!

I'm so glad you called this morning, because shortly after you called That Kid really hurt me...he was telling mostly dh, but I was included in the conversation, about this homeschooling family that he saw yesterday that he and one of his friends just sat back and laughed at.They were dressed in "pioneer days clothes" and had 5kids and all went into the bathroom together. This could he be so insensitive and rude? Then he went on to tell
dh about how ALL homeschool MOMS are STUPID and so ignorant of the real world.

Where did I go wrong??? I don't think I am stupid, but maybe I am...I thought by homeschooling my son he would appreciate the love I feel for him by giving him a flexible, loving environment to learn and grow into a young adult, instead what I have done is given him just one more reason to be ashamed of me and the life I have created around him. As a young teen he used to resent being homeschooled, cuz he was missing out on the "real world", now I think he just resents ME for trying to shelter him a little from the harsh realities of the world. I thought he was a loving, sensitive young man. Now I don't know.

This morning he was cutting down all of my friends and the lifestyle I have chosen to live. I told him to leave the room before I smacked him into next week....I think he got the point. I haven't spoken to him other than to give him instructions for the school day. He went to work before I got home tonight. When he gets home I don't know how I will react to him....I am hurt still by his harsh words.... I know I need to not let my emotions control me and be the bigger person, but "I don't wanna" in the words of my 4 year old....

This afternoon we went to a food allergy test for That Other Kid for wheat. Yeah, he passed!! He can now have wheat products!! We fed him Wheat Chex cereal in small amounts for nearly 4 hours....and he had NO reactions!! So we have expanded his diet by adding peanuts and wheat!! He will go back in 2 weeks and try Soy products. If he passes this test the only food allergies that remain will be milk and eggs. This expands his diet tremendously. I'm soooo happy for him!

Yesterday a friend of mine told me about some herbal suppliments that may help with my recurring illnesses. I bought 1 of them this afternoon and will start taking them tomorrow. I will probably order the second one online if I can't find it quickly tomorrow. I am so looking forward to seeing if this helps! I'll keep you posted.

Well that was my roller coaster was yours????

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