Today's Weigh In -- Not Impressive

Today's weigh in was a big disappointment for me. But I should have known it was coming. Maybe it would have been better to just ignore it...No, it definitely would have been worse to ignore it. Ignoring my weight is what got me in the trouble I have been in for the past 10 years. I chose to NOT IGNORE the UGLY TRUTH. This week has been incredibly stressful and I have succumbed to the stress by eating JUNK! I'm paying for it now, though. I WILL get back on track and get these pounds and MORE off by the end of the year! This is my commitment to myself and my Sisters

Last week's weigh in: 189.4

Today's weigh in: 194.0

I told ya it was ugly....that's nearly 5 pounds in one week. When I got on the scale this morning and saw those numbers I asked myself, "how do you gain almost 5 pounds in one week?" However, I was able to answer myself immediately. Um....let's see numerous meals out with lots of chips and queso. Numerous cokes. Numerous dessert items including a large plate of chocolate chip cookies, and ice cream. Very little in the area of exercise. It's pretty easy to see how I gained that much weight. In fact, looking at all that food it's a wonder I didn't gain even more weight!

Tomorrow turns over a new leaf for me -- again! I will eat every 3 hours! I will eat healthy foods! I will enjoy Christmas eve and Christmas Day meals -- but I will use the discipline that I have learned over the past 9 months and make the best choices and not STUFF myself to sickness while eating it! I will get SOME kind of exercise...even if it's just taking a little walk around the neighborhood or down to the lake.

I will not let the stress that is in my life right now WIN!! I am victorious over stress and I will continue on this journey to weight loss!

I pray that ya'll have a Merry Christmas...I'll see you on the 26th with stories of Christmas, victorious eating and hopefully, pictures of my boys opening their gifts!!

Having Problems

Today is Confessions Monday over at the Sisterhood of Shrinking Jeans and it's also the beginning of a new challenge. I'm not participating in this one -- it is a 5K run and I just know myself well enough to know, I'm not gonna run! So I have to find a new "challenge" for myself to keep myself going with the exercising every night.

Herein lies my confessions for the week --

1)Since the WiiActive Challenge ended Wednesday night I have only exercised 1 time.

2)I'm tired and depressed and exercising at the end of the day is difficult when I am so tired. Thereby creating more depression...ya know the vicious cycle, right?

3)I fixed a "comfort food" dinner tonight and I ATE IT!! Not only did I eat it, I ate a bit more than my "normal" serving.

4)Then I went to the pharmacy by way of the local Culver's ice cream store and bought myself a nice big (actually it was their "short") Concrete Mixer with Heath Bars. I ate it in about 10 minutes....while driving home so I could throw the cup away before coming inside to be spotted by the children! (That Kid is home from college this week on Fall Break!)

I need to get back on track and find "my groove" again....but I think I'm going to go to bed early tonight. Maybe I just need some sleep.

I have a lot to do over the next couple of weeks and I think I'm starting to feel overwhelmed by it all. So...I'm going to prepare for bed at the most unreasonable time of 10:30 and hopefully I'll be asleep by 11:00 p.m.!! Wow!! That would be something for me!

Bad Night

Yesterday started out as a typical (for now) Friday. Got up at 5:30 a.m. fixed dh breakfast, cleaned up a bit, took dh to the office he's working at, stopped at dry cleaners, came home, fell back to sleep with That Other Kid for about a hour and a half. When we got up about 9 a.m. I did my usual stuff. You know, check emails, check bank account, check favorite blogs and websites, showered and ate breakfast. I also started laundry, and all those exciting types of things.

We had a scheduled field trip at a nearby Nature Preserve where That other Kid learned all kinds of interesting facts about insects. They even took a short hike to look and try to catch insects. He actually caught a grasshopper, but before I could get the camera ready the grasshopper escaped from the net...bummer!

After leaving the Nature Preserve we ran to the grocery store for a quick, "we gotta have these things" run. Those trips are always fun with a 5 1/2 year old, don't you think?! Immediately after dropping the groceries off, we went to HOCKEY PRACTICE!! Going to hockey practice was the highlight of the day for That Other Kid, since he hasn't been on the ice in about a month! He could hardly wait to leave for practice! That Kid is home from college this week because of "fall break" (yeah for fall break!!) so he tagged along to watch practice. After practice we went and picked dh up from the office and went home.

I got That Other Kid ready for bed and was ready to CRASH and CRASH hard. I got dh situated for bed (he goes to bed really early now that he gets up at 5 a.m.) and I went to the living room to exercise. Here comes the really BAD part!!

By this time it is 10:30p.m. and I just didn't have it in me to exercise and I was HUNGRY!! Can you guess what happened here?? Oh come on...take a wild guess...I know you want to....

Any guesses??

Ok, I'll just tell you...I SAT ON THE COUCH AND ATE HALF A BAG OF CHIPS AND VEGGED OUT WITH MY COMPUTER till 11:45 p.m.!! Yes, that's right instead of going to bed at 10:30 like I could have (and should have) I sat in the dark living room by myself and ATE a BIG BAG OF CHIPS for an HOUR!!

Ok...so now that's over...You are supposed to confess your sins, right??!! So I've done that and today is a new day. I'm going to make the most of it...I have a big pile of laundry to fold and put away and I need to run to Wally world to pick up some toiletry items. I also need to load the dishwasher and start going through some of our stuff to try to sell in our garage sale that I'm going to have in a couple of weeks. No time to waste and certainly no time to sit around here feeling like a failure for last night -- not that I ever would do a goofy thing like that, ya know?

Hope ya'll have a good weekend!!!!

Week 5 Weigh In....

Can't I just skip this weigh in? No, I guess not. That wouldn't be very fair to my team Blue team mates or to myself. I haven't had a great week (too much snacking and not enough sleep) so I wasn't looking forward to getting onto the scales, but I did it anyway.

Last week's weigh-in -- 205.2
This week's weigh-in -- 205.10

UGH!! That's UP half a pound!! And I'm not a happy camper about it, but have no one to blame but myself. I haven't been getting enough sleep at night and I have been giving in to the snack cravings. I'm a bit frustrated, but I'm not going to let it get me down. I'm just going to exercise harder and start really watching the snacks....if I feel like I MUST have a snack I'm going to choose a piece of fruit or some cheese instead of the pudding snack cups I bought or the ice cream that has been calling my name from the freezer. I don't think I need the snacks, I think I have just been bored with my routine life so I've caved into the snacks.

So enough of that....EVERYONE else on the BLUE TEAM did great this week and I'm having a great time getting encouragement from all of these great ladies! It's so nice to have others going through this battle with me, especially when we have ups and downs! This week will be better and I WILL lose weight this week.

I'm Bored!!!

You know when it's summer because the kids all sit around and complain that they are bored if they aren't at the swimming pool, right??

Well that's how I feel right now....I'm bored!! I'm bored of my routine, boring life. I need to add some spice to my life, but I don't really know how or what to do about it.

I need to clean the house, from top to bottom, but the idea of doing it makes my skin crawl! I'm tired of doing the same things everyday, but don't really have any ideas on what to do differently. I have so many things to clean and organize that I don't really know where to start. I have records to organize and some to shred, but I need to buy a shredder to do it right, so there they sit in the living room, making me feel like a lazy bum for not getting it done.

I'm tired of sitting around and reading about other people taking great vacations with their families and doing cool things, and all I'm doing is sitting here doing nothing....I want to do something fun!! But...I'm the only one in the family that seems to want to do anything. That Kid is busy with his part time job and hanging out with friends, That Other Kid just wants to swim, play with Legos, or play hockey (destroying my home in the process). I want to go somewhere and do something EXCITING!! But what?? I don't know!!

All this and I'm tired of spending every evening exercising. I would like to sit back and watch a movie, or go have an appetizer with a friend or go to bed early for a change. But I can't quit now....I'm finally seeing some progress and I really don't want to be FAT ANYMORE!! So I spend my days being bored with so many things to do that I don't want to do, and I spend my evening exercising! Maybe when I'm not FAT I'll have more motivation to do something else with my day!!

I Hate Grumbling, But It's All I Got!!!

Thursday night while putting That Other Kid to bed, I noticed my right ear hurt a little. I ignored it as usual, figuring it was just a result of the allergens moving through the air. Within 30 minutes I was in full blown PAIN....and couldn't remember the reason I drove to Target (to buy cat food, milk and tp). I walked through the store and finally remembered to get the cat food, milk and tp.

I then drove down to pick up That Kid from work and came home and immediately crashed in bed, after feeding the cat (who thought she was starving to death) and taking a pain killer! I was asleep LONG before MIDNIGHT, which I'm tellin' ya just doesn't happen in my world! I woke up Friday morning feeling much worse than when I went to bed Thursday night. I let That Kid drive himself to school, and made a doctor's appointment for the afternoon. I sat around and moaned and groaned about how miserable I was all day, then went to the doctor.

The nurse took one look at my right ear and she said and I quote for emphasis, "NICE ONE!". The doctor came in about 30 seconds after she left and took down the same info that I just gave the nurse and she looked in my ear and told me, "No wonder your ear hurts so bad, not only is it extremely infected but your ear drum is hemorrhaging, too!" In lay terms....I have an inner ear infection and a busted ear drum! I was told to see the ENT this week and take this potent antibiotic. Oh, but it doesn't stop there...no, I'm allergic to said "potent" antibiotic! One of the side effects is that it will "cause severe join pain"....guess who woke up Saturday morning not able to walk, move around, move her fingers without SEVERE JOINT PAIN??? Uh, that would be ME!! Sitting was painful, moving was painful and so was laying down!

I was an utter mess...not to mention the pain in my ear was so bad I was and still am experiencing bad headaches.

I got a new medicine but spent all day yesterday trying to rid my body of the old medicine, while trying to do at least a few things. You know, like move!!!

I tagged along to That Other Kids hockey game yesterday afternoon and watched upstairs in the warmth of the lobby instead of being at rink/glass level, but at least I was there! His team lost, but that's ok...he didn't seem to be too upset about it. I guess the coach truly is teaching these little guys that the purpose of the game is to have fun! Cuz that's what he talks about most of the time...which is surprising to me, since he is sooooo dang competitive!

Today I woke up feeling minimal joint pain, and decided I had to tackle a few things around here...like the mountains of laundry, getting the car to the shop (ie call them and have them tow it!) since the idea of driving a car with a clutch that doesn't work 35 miles down the highway was a little more than my head/ear could handle! I also made an ENT appointment for tomorrow. I also changed the DISGUSTING SAND BOX for the cat. It was getting so bad she was protesting going to it, and she's not usually very picky about it....but it was so bad it made the house smell! I also lit 4 nice smelling candles!

Well that about takes me through the weekend and through today. This evening I'm planning to go to bed early and rest! Here's hoping the rest of this week goes better...

Sometimes I Just Wanna Give Up...

Ya know the kind of day I'm talking about, don'tcha? The days where you think, maybe I should have stayed in bed. There's nothing really "wrong" but yet there are sooo many things that are wrong. That's the kind of day I'm having. I can't really describe it. It just is one of those kinds of days.

It's a lazy Sunday....I cleaned the hall bathroom. It's only needed it for 3 or 4 weeks. I still have the master bathroom to clean. I probably won't get it done. I don't think I have it in me.

I fixed burgers on the grill for dinner. That Other Kid is eating a bag of Ruffles, instead of eating the burger he "promised" he would eat. That Kid is working all day...been gone since before I got up at 8 a.m. and still not home at 6:30. When he comes home at 9:30 or 10 p.m. tonight he'll be tired and hungry.

That Kid informed me last night that he needs new ice skates. That's another $400+ that we need to come up with! He needs them so he can earn money....of which he owes us a bunch of! What's a girl to do???? AGH!! yeah, like that's gonna help!

I know alot of others have it A LOT worse. The economy stinks, the gas prices stink, kids are over in Iraq or Iran fighting for our freedom to moan and groan. Wall Street is a mess. The Government and President Bush are trying to keep this country from going down the tubes.... etc., etc., etc., but tonight I feel like groaning and whining a little and since this is my blog I have that right!

Ok, so enough moaning and groaning from me....Thanks for listening!

A Day of Mixed Emotions

Today has been one of those days that has put my emotions through the ringer. I really don't like these kinds of days but they come with the territory of being a mom, so I guess I just have to learn to deal with them and pray myself through them.

I started the day way earlier than I wanted with That Other Kid coming in before 8 and telling me that it was time to get up. As I've mentioned a few hundred times I am not a morning person. Since I have been sick this time around I have been trying to go to bed earlier so that it is not such an issue when he wakes up early but last night I didn't crawl into bed till midnight (which is normal for me), but it took awhile to go to sleep, so 8 am didn't sit well with me.

I got up resisting the urge to scream "I'm tired, I wanna sleep" and walked into the living room and saw a mess from That Kid plus ALL his laundry that I told him to put away before I went to bed. This put me in a "mood". I moved all his laundry to the chair and laid down on the couch. Every time I got to sleep, I was woke by That Other Kid whining about needing something. By this time it was 9:30 and I really needed to get moving or at least pretending to do something. I had things I HAD to do today and had to shower and get moving. I fixed dh some breakfast and took it to him and That Other Kid followed me. He was trying to be "cute" and he spilled juice all over the carpet that had just been cleaned. I was not happy.

I informed him that he could clean the mess he made since he was being so difficult. So I put carpet cleaner down, laid a towel over it and told him to clean it. He was told to clean his mess or no tv!
He REFUSED!!!! I don't wanna, he cried over and over....I wanna watch tv!! After 30 minutes of this senerio I cleaned the carpet and went to the living room where there was another mess....this time of toys that had been laying there for several days. I told him if he wanted to watch tv he HAD to clean up all these toys..."I don't wanna" he cries again. Fine then you get NO tv..."but I wanna watch tv" Not till the toys are cleaned up! After about 45 minutes more of this he finally decided he would clean up his toys....so we were all happy! I got the toys cleaned up and he got to watch tv!!

Shortly after this my friend called me and encouraged me. She told me she had sat down and read through all my blog entries. She had so many encouraging things to say it really lifted me up! I was feeling good and was pleased that someone special to me thought I had value....You know how it is?? Some mornings you just need someone to tell you, you are special and good at something you enjoy! Thanks, for lifting me up!

I'm so glad you called this morning, because shortly after you called That Kid really hurt me...he was telling mostly dh, but I was included in the conversation, about this homeschooling family that he saw yesterday that he and one of his friends just sat back and laughed at.They were dressed in "pioneer days clothes" and had 5kids and all went into the bathroom together. This hurt....how could he be so insensitive and rude? Then he went on to tell
dh about how ALL homeschool MOMS are STUPID and so ignorant of the real world.

Where did I go wrong??? I don't think I am stupid, but maybe I am...I thought by homeschooling my son he would appreciate the love I feel for him by giving him a flexible, loving environment to learn and grow into a young adult, instead what I have done is given him just one more reason to be ashamed of me and the life I have created around him. As a young teen he used to resent being homeschooled, cuz he was missing out on the "real world", now I think he just resents ME for trying to shelter him a little from the harsh realities of the world. I thought he was a loving, sensitive young man. Now I don't know.

This morning he was cutting down all of my friends and the lifestyle I have chosen to live. I told him to leave the room before I smacked him into next week....I think he got the point. I haven't spoken to him other than to give him instructions for the school day. He went to work before I got home tonight. When he gets home I don't know how I will react to him....I am hurt still by his harsh words.... I know I need to not let my emotions control me and be the bigger person, but "I don't wanna" in the words of my 4 year old....

This afternoon we went to a food allergy test for That Other Kid for wheat. Yeah, he passed!! He can now have wheat products!! We fed him Wheat Chex cereal in small amounts for nearly 4 hours....and he had NO reactions!! So we have expanded his diet by adding peanuts and wheat!! He will go back in 2 weeks and try Soy products. If he passes this test the only food allergies that remain will be milk and eggs. This expands his diet tremendously. I'm soooo happy for him!

Yesterday a friend of mine told me about some herbal suppliments that may help with my recurring illnesses. I bought 1 of them this afternoon and will start taking them tomorrow. I will probably order the second one online if I can't find it quickly tomorrow. I am so looking forward to seeing if this helps! I'll keep you posted.

Well that was my roller coaster day....how was yours????

The Dentist

Today I had to take That Other Kid to the dentist for an unpleasant experience -- 4 cavities filled. I brush his teeth at least 1 time a day, like the hygeniest recommended, but still he has cavities...but he doesn't have any source of calcium other than the apple juice fortified with calcium....he is allergic to dairy, and soy, among other vital foods that a normal child eats. What's a mom to do???? I do the best I can, but apparently it's not enough. He also has asthma, which apparently is a source of distress on your teeth and makes cavities easier to form....who knew????

While I was at the dentist waiting for the procedure to be completed, as I am shelling out over $575, that's with our so called insurance, that isn't really insurance, but a discount plan the receptionist/sales girl informs me that he has 4 more cavities -- these being his 4 front teeth and that will cost me over $700. Now I'm p*ssed, cuz at the cleaning that we just had a couple of weeks ago they tell me that there really isn't anything we can do about the front teeth that appear to be discolored -- (except put a veneer on them to help whiten their appearance) -- they came in that way!

I mean they were discolored when they first showed up...so are they telling me that he had cavities in his 4 front teeth as soon as he got teeth??? I'm confused and upset. I'm getting a second opinion and I'm looking for another way to fix those teeth....he's too young to go through this again!!! He was soooo upset this afternoon when we left all he did the whole way home was whine, and tell me how his mouth and lips hurt....It took about 45 minutes for him to calm down....I can't handle him going through this again unless it is absolutely necessary. How can a baby/child have cavities in his teeth as soon as they come in???

Time to Give Thanks

Ummmmm...what do I have to be thankful for today. Let's see.....It was one of those kind of days. You know what I'm talking about....we all have them occasionally. Some of us, more than others.

That Other Kid woke up to use the bathroom at 6 a.m. Now normally this isn't a problem, he just goes right back to sleep. Not today though. He needed to discuss the life decisions of a 3 (almost 4) year old. Now in case you are a morning person, you won't understand this, but I AM SO NOT A MORNING PERSON.....and 6 a.m. is NOT a time to discuss anything with momma! Try 10 a.m and I'm more likely to respond.

By the time he was done discussing the life decisions "the sun is up, the moon is down" it's time to get up.....THANKS TO DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME, OH YEAH! It's 6:20 a.m. and NOT time for momma to make an appearance. So.....I was wasted all day. I had a pile of laundry and various other such pleasant tasks to take care of today. Not to mention going to the dentist. Oh yeah!

I did go to the gym today and did a 30 minutes CORE class and I was only 5 minutes late!! (It started at 11 a.m.) Yes, I know what did I do for 5 hours -- I laid around on the couch trying to catch a few more zzzzzz's. I also did 30 minutes on the treadmill.....thank you very much!! That's the most I have done in a while at the gym. I expect I'll be paying for it tomorrow, but onward and downward.....with the weight, ya know.

So.....what am I thankful for today??? That Other Kid went to bed and sleep at 8:10 p.m.!!! That's a full 50 minutes before he normally goes to sleep. So I have had a few hours to vegg out and do some blogging and some laundry and some school grading!! Ah, a sleeping preschooler!!!!

The Bible Says....

in Psalm 127:3 Don't you see that children are God's best gift? the fruit of the womb his generous legacy? Basically that means our children are blessings from God, right? Well then, why do I continually feel like my children are a curse?
I know I'm not the only one out there that feels this way, either....I read blogs....I'm somwhat educated. (I have 2 years of college education)....why can't I get through a day dealing with my 2 boys that I don't want to bury my head in the sand and just say....."Do whatever you want! I'm on vacation!"
I know many of you out there have A LOT more than 2 children and they are much closer in age than mine (13 years apart). How DO YOU manage to get through the day without some major breakdowns?
This month has been an exceptionally trying month in our household. I've been sick forever, money has been tight, the teenager has tested us beyond normal bounds and the little guy has needed extra attention. The house needs a major cleaning and school work needs to be graded and all I wanna do is "blow a gasket" and say "you people are on your own".
There are a couple of blessings in this turmoil -- my mother-in-law is back safe and sound from her 3 week vacation so I can VENT to her as well as all my blogging pals and regardless of how I FEEL GOD is in control!!! In addition to these blessings my dh has realized that he has to step up to the plate and be a dad sometimes -- instead of working 24/7. He spent Friday night with That Kid, as well as all day Saturday and Tuesday night. Wow-- now that was a BLESSING.

All my whining to God this past week has taught me at least 1 thing -- regardless of how I feel Children really are a blessing from God and to be treasured. I know this deep down, but sometimes I have to remind myself of it. Do you?????

What Is Wrong with ME???

That's the question I posed the doctor today. I have had this hacking, chain-smoking type cough for the past 2+ months and I've had ENOUGH. I'm sick and tired of feeling SICK.....Oh, and by the way -- NO, I don't smoke, nor have I EVER smoked....the smell GAGS me and makes me feel like barfing.
She took another chest x-ray to tell me if I have bronchitis or pneumonia -- I don't, according to her. I have MASSIVE drainage, so she is calling it allergies with a bit of asthma-- but do people really suffer from allergies to the point they can't go through a day without coughing up a lung??? I guess they do. It's just never been that way for me. I just get stuffy or runny nose, depending on the season.
So, I got 3 NEW medicines to take and was told to call back in a couple of weeks. Please, oh please let these medicines work.
I want to work out and lose this weight, but it's hard to work out when you start coughing so much you nearly pee your pants on the treadmill!! And I'm the kind of person who NEEDS to work out in order to be motivated to eat right and then the weight comes off.

Stinkin' Thinkin'

When I was a young Christian I heard of a motivational speaker named, Zig Ziglar and I thought he was wonderful. He knows how to motivate you, get you to thinkin' and help you to correct your "stinkin' thinkin' ". Well lately, I've been going through some real 'stinkin' thinkin'. I have been down in the dumps, and I haven't really been able to pull myself out.

Things around my house are stressful, but the stuff going on around here probably is no different than in anyone else's home, with a teenager going throgh a rebellious stage, a preschooler going through a "I need you stage". I need to get it together if I want to have good relationships with the people in my life.

My best friend suggested I try some St. John's Wart to tackle some of the depression. I haven't been able to bring myself to take any yet, although I did buy some. I need to do something, since I can hardly stand to be in the same room with myself! So when Sarah suggested we go to the service at Fellowship Church if we were in the area, I decided to go....the Sermon/Series title is ineed2change.com and I definately need 2 change! It was very a motivational service and got me to thinking even more. I'll be attending the whole series and by the end of it I believe that my 'stinkin' thinkin' will be gone.

I'll keep you updated and if you happen to think about me in the next few weeks prayers would be appreciated.

I Shoulda Stayed in Bed!

This morning I was awaken straight up 8 a.m. - thank God for the small things -- That was ok we had to leave by 10 and it usually takes us a couple of hours to get out the door. I fixed dh a birthday breakfast (he's 42 today)
and took a shower. As I'm about to walk out the door the phone rings for the 3rd time this morning -- now mind you it's only 10 a.m. Caller ID is a blessing from God, I tell ya. I didn't have time to talk, so walked back to get That Other Kid's socks on him, when dh decides he needs to have something scanned for a client -- RIGHT.STINKIN.NOW!!!! Problem the computer isn't on and HE doesn't know how to scan from our scanner/printer. It's now 10:05 a.m. and I needed to leave 5 minutes ago. He wants detailed description on how to do the scans, how long it takes, and when will the computer be ready to go? He's getting ANGRY cuz I don't have time to deal with this....I say call me and I'll walk you through it. I wait for the phone to ring the whole 3 hours I'm gone thinking he will call soon --- but no he WAITS FOR ME TO DO IT WHEN I GET HOME! He needed this sooooo bad, right???
Dish satellite guy came to hook up another tv, and brought the wrong equipment. Well maybe he didn't bring the wrong stuff, maybe I ordered the wrong stuff --- who knows at this point!
DH's b-day dinner was a FLOP -- both kids were whiny and grumpy. Yes, even 17 year olds can be whiny and grumpy. and it took me 1 hour and 10 minutes to get That Other Kid to go to sleep tonight.....
Now I'm ready to fall into bed, but 12 loads of laundry await folding.....so off to the pile of laundry.
Thank you God that today is almost over!!!!!!