Thursday, February 24, 2011

I Am Not A Quitter

Today's post at the Sisterhood was so timely for me. These ladies must be reading my mind or mail or something, cuz the past 2 days they have really spoken to me. I did not meet my weight loss goals for the challenge that just finished up and that got me kind of down. I have been stagnant in my weight loss for several months and with all the stuff going on around me I have felt a bit (ok really) stressed. I feel like under the circumstances I have done pretty well...normally I gain weight like crazy when I am stressed out and so I guess maintaining/stagnating is better than gaining but still. I'm not happy with basically no weight loss in nearly 3 months. It's very frustrating (and quiet honestly) it's just down right discouraging.

Then yesterday after I posted my weigh in post with a slight gain for the final weigh in for the Power of One challenge and left my comment for the gang at the Sisterhood, I got an emergency call from my best friend's mom. It was pretty cryptic and all I knew was that I was needed to take my friend to the doctor asap. She has been sick with the flu as well as going through the chemo for her breast cancer so I didn't know what was happening. I kicked it into high gear and got over to the house in less than 15 minutes (it takes 12 minutes to get there!) G was so weak she couldn't drive and her mom is not accustomed to the area in their mini-van so they called me. I drove her to the dr who wisked her right in for x-rays. They were concerned about broncitus or something more serious (but found that the lungs were clear! Yay!). While she was gone for the x-rays I kind of lost it and sat there and cried like a baby! The stress of seeing your best friend lose all her hair, energy, and motivation to do anything other than lay around on the couch kind of gets a girl down, ya know??!

After I pulled myself together and we drove back to her house, settled her onto the couch I helped her son with his homework and went home. Wednesday is our normal fast food night so I picked up some sandwiches and went home. (and I didn't buy myself a coke even though everything in me told me "I deserved it" after the day I had had!) After dinner I found out that That Kid has passed his personal training aspect of his marine corp test and could leave for boot camp at "anytime". This just upset me even more...I thought I would have till at least the summer before he left. Then I found out some stuff that just about sent me into a full fledged panic attack. At this point I had to leave!! I left for about 15 minutes to try to regroup. I managed to pass numerous fast food places without stopping for coke or ice cream!!

Once I got back home, got That Other Kid in bed and had a chance to exercise I just wanted to say, "what's the use?" I was tired, frustrated and had had a rotten day. I sat down at the computer to log my exercise and I had an email from Christy. She had replied to my earlier comment and what she said just sent me into tears in a good way! Basically she told me I was "worth it"! That comment made me realize that even though my efforts haven't produced much in the weight loss area I am still worth the effort of working through this journey and seeing it through. It's amazing what a little comment can do for a girl, ya know?!!

Then this morning I got up and I saw Christie's post and I immediately read it and said, "I am not a quitter!" I hadn't even read the post and I certainly didn't know what it was all about but I also knew that I have put too much into this journey to quit. I have worked nearly 2 years to get to where I am and I'm not willing to give up on myself. I have a 7 year old to care for. I have a husband and an older son that both need me, too! I am worth it, so I am not a quitter!! I filled in Christie's blank in the comments and pretty soon I had an email from Lisa that once again made me cry! That just made me feel even more special, worth it and loved.

So..the point of this long, drawn out post is that "I'm not a quitter" matter how freakin' long it takes me I am gonna lose this weight and be a healthy, fit woman and comments do make a difference to people! I can't tell you how just these two comments and this one post made a difference in my life. Regardless of how crappy a day I have had the friendships that I have made through the internet always seem to cheer me up and help me realize that I am worth it!! One day I will look back at this post and remember just how close I was to "calling it quits" and just settling for being fat, unhealthy and unhappy!

Thanks have no idea what you mean to me!!


Christy M. said...

I love this post, Ann!! Even with all you are going through, and all the responsibilities and sadness and hardship around you, YOU have rallied. Sure you might not be losing, but stress is so hard to deal with, and the fact that you're MAINTAINING (not stagnating!!) is wonderful and a true testament to your new lifestyle.

Keep pressing forward, Ann, and you will start to see the numbers drop!!

Another great thing about all the exercise you're doing? STRESS RELIEF! If you weren't exercising, I might be emailing you in the looney bin :P

Love you, girl!!

Christie O. said...

What an emotional day for you girl!!! I'm so happy that you got through it all even though you wanted to call it quits. The first thing YOUR MIND thought when you saw that was "i'm not a quitter!" that is an incredible place you have reached!!!! I am so happy for you and the obstacles you're conquering. You ARE worth every bit of it. LOVE YOU!

Bacardi Mama said...

Look at what you have accomplished already. You are definitely not a quitter. You are strong and wonderful and worth every bit of the work you are doing. We all have bad days/weeks, but we just have to press ahead and get past it. You are doing just that. I'm so proud of you!!!