Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Confessions Time

Yes, It's confessions time again over at the Sisterhood and I feel like I have had a less than stellar week. Therefore, I have a few confessions to air to the world.

I am having a hard time finding my groove with being a stay at home mom again. I was a SAHM for 20 years and worked for 7 months. Why is this so hard again?? I can't seem to get a schedule down that will work for everyone...of course it's only been a little more than a week so maybe I'm just expecting too much.

That Other Kid is moaning and groaning that he doesn't want to do school...he wants to play video games and watch tv (like he did for the 7 months I worked). BUT he wants to be in "first grade" like his cousin....I told him today, "he can't have his cake and eat it too"! and he just looked at me like I was nuts..."I can't eat cake, mom....remember it has milk and eggs in it?" I guess that one went over his head a little too much, huh? So I told him he has to COMPLETE his phonics book and then he will be in "first grade". That seemed to bring out a little more motivation and a bit more effort!

That Other Kid and I went out yesterday with a friend and her son to the pumpkin patch and I forgot to bring my lunch which meant eating fast food for lunch! UGH!! We went to Burger King (cuz she loves it and never gets to eat out) and I ate their grilled chicken salad w/o dressing. I came home and looked up the nutritional info on the computer so I could log it for this week's challenge and found that it only had 300 calories BUT 1050 mg of SODIUM!! Is that not the craziest thing? What did they do? Soak the chicken in a box of Morton's salt before they cooked it? It made me pretty sick to my stomach to think that I had consumed that much salt in one measley little salad!!

Both last night and today I have been guzzling water hoping and praying that the SALAD I ate doesn't kill me on the scales tomorrow morning! Today I am eating lots of good healthy food and I'm going to be working out extra hard tonight...so my salad doesn't hurt me!

I'm having a hard time getting all my miles in for this weeks Shrinkvivor challenge but it's amazing what you can find the will to do when you want to WIN!! and besides that it will help me get rid of all the sodium I have consumed, right??!!

This morning Brooke posted her confessions and I read them. It made me sad to think that someone so healthy and THIN could have such a poor self image. It almost made me MAD, but then I realized when I was that THIN and YOUNG and HEALTHY I had the same self image issues! I was NEVER happy with my appearance. I weighed 105 on my wedding day (at age 19) and still felt like I was "a little pudgy". When I had gained weight and weighed 123 (at age 24) (and was at "perfect" BMI) I complained to some friends about how I needed to lose 10 pounds and get "this weight off". I remember thinking I didn't want to be "fat like my mom" was her whole life. It was about this time that I got pregnant with That Kid and I gained 50 pounds...I was pregnant and didn't care how "big" I was, but once I had my son those pounds seemed to take FOREVER to fall off. I remember on his 1st birthday thinking, "please don't get me in the pictures...I'm soooo fat!" I was about 130 at that time, so by no means was I "fat" but my mind kept telling me I was "fat". Instead of busting tail and getting that weight off, I continued to gain and get bigger and bigger till I became "fat", and not just fat but OBESE! I'm still OBESE but I no longer feel that my self worth is tied into the number on the scale and the appearance of my body. I'm probably healthier (as in toner, able to do more physically and endure longer) than I have ever been in my life. I WILL get this weight off and when I do I will not only look good on the outside but I will look good on the INSIDE! This is the message we need to get across to millions of women out there! Getting your head to agree with your heart is definitely a major factor in success. But I think I finally got it this week!! I hope everyone gets this message and SOON!! Have YOU "gotten" it yet??

A friend of mine posted on facebook last night that she is starting to train for her first 5K. I asked when and where? She told me and since it is about 7 weeks out and local I think I'm going to do it with her! How's that for getting into this "running thing"? I'm not committed yet, but I'm leaning real heavy toward it!

I'm also thinking about the Disney 1/2 Marathon that so many of my sisters are doing in January. Gotta talk that one over with dh but that would be sooooo cool!! Even though I know that most of it would be walking I would love to be part of something that HUGE!!

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