Thursday, October 14, 2010

I Can't Believe I'm Doing This!!

This month over at the Sisterhood we are learning to love ourselves. We are learning to accept our faults for what they are. We are learning to love our body for what it has done and what it is able to do. We are learning to look at our bodies and see the GOOD in it, not the bad.

Yesterday when Melissa told us what the Non-physical challenge was for this week I started hyper-ventilating. I want to be a full participating member of the Sisterhood. Accepting the challenges that they set before me (us), because I know they are only asking what they are asking of me (us) because it will help ME (and everyone else) in my (our) journey to a healthier, happier ME (US)! But come on...EXPOSE MYSELF TO THE WORLD!! Don't you think that is a little extreme?? What will this prove??? Will this make me a better person?? Will this make my journey go faster, smoother, easier?? How can I take pictures of myself in skimpy clothes and THEN POST THEM FOR THE WORLD TO SEE when I still weigh 196 pounds?? Wouldn't it be better to do this when I am at 130 or 140 pounds?? I'm sure I'll look soooo much better...

Believe me I debated this for hours last night in my head. I talked it over with my Tribe Green team mates. I looked for as many reasons as I could to not to this...but when it came right down to it, I couldn't really think of a LEGITIMATE reason NOT to do this...other than being ashamed of the way I look. Which is what the whole exercise is all about...not being ashamed of ME RIGHT NOW!! I am made in the IMAGE OF GOD SO I HAVE TO BE BEAUTIFUL, right??

So here I am...




all 196 pounds of me taken by my friend today in her back yard and my dh taken in my living room tonight. I don't look real happy in these pictures but that is because I am still having second thoughts about this whole exercise. In my head I am thinking I must be nuts, doing this...maybe I could just pretend I didn't read/hear about this part of the challenge. Maybe I could just skip it, it won't hurt anyone if I don't do this, will it? I have decided it will hurt someone! It will hurt ME!! I need to do this so that I can see where I have come from when my I am finally at my goal weight. I also need to do this so that I can see for myself the things about my body that are positive!

So here I go....I'm hitting Publish Post....Now

14 comments:

Kirsten said...

Oh, Ann! You did it! So proud of you! (I didn't smile either!) Your body is amazing. You just completed your first 5K, right? Congratulations for stepping outside of your comfort zone to embrace YOU!

Karena said...

Good for you, Ann! You are beautiful because you are YOU, and that is enough. I too always thought I'd hold off until I got *there*, wherever *there* is. But that's exactly the point -- it's not about finally loving your body when you've reached your goals. It's about loving your body now, where you are. Because THIS is the body that birthed babies, and supports your family in so many ways, and is working so hard to be healthy.

My heart is just welling up, I'm so proud of how far you, and I, and so many others have come in loving ourselves!

Trish said...

I am proud of you, be proud of yourself! You did it and it is behind you and several months from now you will look back and be amazed at the before & after. You are beautiful my sister. Believe me I had the same feelings as you when I did it. You are amazing!

Christy M. said...

Ann, I am so proud of you. SO proud!!!! I know it was hard, but doing it shows what a strong woman you are. When I started this journey, I was just 3 pounds less than you are now. I want you to realize YOU CAN DO THIS. It may feel like you have so far to go sometimes, but you're on your way and that's all that matters!

xoxoxo

*Lissa* said...

I AM SO PROUD OF YOU! So proud that you shared this. You are a beautiful person inside and out and I think you are pretty damn amazing! :) xoxo

Mishe@EatingJourney said...

Thank you first of all for joining the Exposed movement! It's not an easy task and I am blown away, all the time, by those who join.

I have to say that by taking the first step to LOVE and connect back with your body will enable you to get to your goal weight. I have lost over 135lbs and have recently gained by 35 through a horrible relationship/binging and dis-connecting with my body. It's in the moments when I find love, apprecaition and kindness for it..that what I want from it comes.

Good luck!

Bacardi Mama said...

Great job, Ann. I'm very proud of you too. I know how scary it was for you because it was scary as hell for me too. I also weigh 196. We are freakin awesome Ann!!

Bari said...

I'm so PROUD of you Ann! Your family is blessed to have you in their life. Your body tells a wonderful story and I'm so glad you were able to share it with us.

Mommy Mo said...

Ann, Ann, Ann....I am SO proud of you that I could just scream (happily). I kow how hard this was for you yet you decided that take that leap and do it. I feel like a mother bird watching her young chick learning how to fly- fly, Ann....FLY.

FiddlersBride said...

Oh Ann!! I LOVE this post! Absolutely love it! I am still debating this part of the challenge but man oh man you sure have inspired me. You are beautiful inside and out and I am so proud to have you as a friend and a kick-ass teammate!!! You have made so many victories on your journey and I know every day for you will bring a new one -- big, small, and everything in between!

april said...

You are a rock star! I'm so proud of you!

imadramamama said...

Ann, you are an amazing, strong, beautiful, POWERFUL woman. I am so proud of you for doing this!!

Staci Lee said...

You are amazing! I am very glad that I got the chance to read this. What a wonderful woman you are :)

Roo said...

I wanted to wait until I was several (read: 50) pounds lighter myself but was so glad I stopped making excuses in my mind and did it. So proud of you!