Week 4-- Power of One

Well I have to say that I am NOT pleased with my scales this morning. I was really expecting a decent loss on the scales today. I have been faithfully tracking my food and exercise this week, watching my calorie intake and making sure that when I eat I am truly hungry!! Not just eating when I need to take my mind off what is going on around me. So needless to say when I got on the scales and saw that I had some I was not a happy camper, but I am NOT gonna let it myself be discouraged. I am just gonna keep working my tail off and maybe next week I will have a really great loss! I have worked out for 25 straight days as a participating member of the 100 Days of Movement from Facebook and I have to admit I am proud of myself for that one! Its been fun to push myself in this way and there have been days when I haven't wanted to do anything but sit in front of my computer and waste time but I haven't!! I worked out...even if for the required 30 minutes!

So here are the stats:

Starting weight 3/26/09 -- 226.8

Starting challenge weight: 196.0
Last week: 195.6

This week: 196.0

So I know its not much of a gain but in my "head" a gain is a set back....but I am learning right now that my HEAD IS NOT IN CHARGE!! and its a good thing my head isn't in charge because my head is telling me "screw it all, you worked hard and this is the thanks you got"!! Yes, I did work hard and I didn't let stress get the best of me and I'm not going to let this SMALL gain set me back!! I'm still going to keep doing what I "KNOW" I need to do and NOT let this gain get me down!!

Next Wednesday is my mom's knee replacement surgery so I will be in Kansas, but I am planning to exercise as much as possible (my brother works in the local rec center and he's gonna get me some guest passes so we can workout together!) and I'm taking my scale with me so I can do my weigh in. I will borrow a computer so I can check in...

Hopefully there wll be a huge loss on the scale next week!!

Just a Few Confessions....

It's True Confessions time over at the Sisterhood and I wanted to get some things settled right here before my friends. So no delaying it with needless information and wordy explanations here are my confessions for this week.

The past 2 weeks I have been faithfully tracking my food and exercise on my LoseIt program on hubby's Ipod touch that he loaned/gave me. I have managed to burn off most of my excess calories. I think I only have 2 or 3 days where I really bonbed it. Some days I even fell well under "calories allotted" BEFORE I exercised! those were really good days, but the next day I felt like I was STARVING.ALL.DAY.LONG!! I have been faithfully logging everything I put in my mouth and have exercised 24 days in a row!!

Saturday and yesterday I did some heavy duty cleaning that I counted as my exercise for those 2 days. I consider moving furniture and scrubbing bathtubs, stoves and cabinets exercise!! I also wiped down walls and baseboards and washed windows...so lots of movement and muscle use for thesse 2 days! Saturday I took care of my house - at least some of it...I still have the living room (which will probably take a weekend all by itself) and my closet to do and I need to find the floor to That Other Kid's closet and get rid of some of the toys he never plays with but that will probably have to wait till this weekend. I can only cram so much into a week, ya know!!??

Yesterday, I went over to help my friend (with newly diagnosed breast cancer) thoroughly clean her master bedroom. Her mom and I are wanting to keep her as healthy as possible while she is going through the chemo treatments and having a thoroughly clean house will certainly help her breathe! She repeatedly told me how much she appreciated it. My only response to her was that helping her clean was something I could PHYSICALLY DO to help her. I NEED to DO something! and this sure beat EATING uncontrollably which is what I keep "wanting" to do because I am having a really hard time dealing with my best friend having breast cancer!! I have been doing pretty well with the stress of this, I think. Everytime I start "thinking" I want to eat something 'just because' I start cleaning or exercising!!

Apparently I am really serious about not letting this stress get the best of me this time!!

Additional confession of the day...I haven't seen That Kid in over 2 weeks (since he moved out of our place into his own with friends). I know he is 20 years old and about to be sent off for Marine boot camp but I miss him!! Maybe I miss him even more knowing that soon I won't be able to see him anytime I want cuz he will be out of state or out of the country!! I don't know....but I do think for the most part I am handling his absence in our family pretty well. Sometimes when I really am missing him I just start texting him random questions...hoping that I will get to "talk" to him in whatever way possible!! I invited him home for dinner tonight, so hopefully he will come eat with us so I can talk to him in person!! Of course, his brother will probably monopolize his time here but at least I will see him!!

My hubby asked me last night where I would like to go on a vacation if I could go ANYWHERE I WANTED. Um....I thought about it for a while and decided a 2 week vacation to Hawaii sounds like a perfect vacation. I want to hike, bike, sitesee and sit on the beach and be a bum (occasionally!) He said to plan on it within 18 months so I definitely want to be in tip top shape by then...don't want to be fat and out of shape for a trip like that!!

Ok...enough for today...just wanted to let ya'll know I am having a pretty successful (in my opinion) couple of weeks. We will see what the scales say tomorrow! Until then...hope ya'll have a good day!

Quick Post

I just have a few minutes before I need to go to bed, but I wanted to let ya'll know how things are going with my friend who was diagnosed with breast cancer. She under went her first chemo treatment on Thursday and she is having a lot of nausea and aches and pains. She has also developed some "blisters" around the chemo port and that is causing some concern. She is going into the dr tomorrow morning to have it all checked out. I'm praying that the blisters go away and all is good.

While she goes into the doctor to have the blisters checked out and take care of some errands with her mom I am going to go over to her house and tackle some heavy duty cleaning for her. She needs to have a nice clean, sanitized home to live in. I believe it will help keep her healthier and this is something physical that I can do to help her. I'm starting in her bedroom/bathroom and moving into the main parts of the house, so I will be doing something that will benefit her and her health tomorrow. I just pray it will help her deal this miserable disease a little better if she has a clean home.

On another note: today I participated in a challenge with Heather and some other people and pushed myself beyond my norm at the gym. I ran/walked 3.66 miles on the treadmill and then I went over to the stationary bike and did a 3 mile ride! Felt good to push myself like this today! I have goals to meet and having these extra pushes on the weekend will help me meet these goals I believe! Saturday I did some deep cleaning in my apartment and spent about 6 hrs cleaning, moving furniture and organizing. My kitchen hasn't been this clean since we moved in last November!! and my bathrooms actually smell good (at least for another day or so maybe)!!

Ok...I need to go to bed so I can get some good rest before cleaning my friends house tomorrow!! Please pray for my friend as she undergoes the chemo treatments and finds out what the blisters are all about tomorrow.

Power Of One -- Week 3

Has it really been a week since I checked in at the ol' blog? Apparently so since there aren't any other posts. I've had a busy week but that's not the purpose of this post....maybe just maybe I will get to write another post tonight or tomorrow to discuss my past week or maybe ya'll will just have to guess!

So time for the purpose of this post. Weigh-in time at the Sisterhood is a time I sometimes dread and sometime look forward to. This week I was looking forward to it. As I should have!

Starting weight: 3/25/2009 - 226.8

Starting challenge: 12/29/2010 - 196.0

Last week: 197.0
This week: 195.6

So over the past few weeks I have gained (boo)and then after working hard this week I am finally showing a loss!! I tracked my food, exercised, drank my water like I should and was much more attentive to what I did to and for my body. I even went to the gym this weekend and ran/walked 4 miles and rode the stationary bike for 7 miles - all in the same 2 hr time period! Heather threw out a challenge to our little Green Tribe group. She was going to ride her bike for 35 miles and run for 4 miles and wanted to get others involved. I seem to push myself further when others push me (which is why I love the Sisterhood too) and this definietly got me out of my comfort zone for the weekend. That Other Kid was sick this weekend with strep throat and clingy, grumpy, vomity (that's a word, right?), and whiny. All I really wanted to do was sit on the couch and veg out, but instead I hooked him up to the tv and while daddy was working in the bedroom/office I took off to the gym and busted out some stress relieving exercise...definitely BEYOND my comfort zone, although no where close to what Heather and her hubby, Ryan did! It felt good to push myself and it feels GREAT to be on the road to losing again!!

So....how are ya'll doing this year??

Power Of One -- Week 2

It's Wednesday and that means weigh in day at the Sisterhood. This challenge is "perfect timing" for me...They must have known I would need some time with myself to get it together!

I was gonna come here and complain about the woes of my life. Telling ya'll that this week was hard. Telling you my mind is rattling around in my head giving me all kinds of crap to think about. How my heart is in the game of weight loss but my head just hasn't been.

But right before I came over to write this post I was on facebook and I saw this posted from Jillian Michaels (you are her friend, right?? She gives great tips!)

Tip: Don't blame anyone or anything for your situation or problems. When you do that you are saying that you are powerless over your own life - which is utter crap. An empowering step to reclaiming your life is taking responsibility. Although life may deal you some bad hands, evaluating the choices you make in response to those hardships is critical in affecting an outcome that is more favorable to you.


I liked it so much I enlarged it and printed it. I'm gonna post it on my fridge and my motivation board that is right above my computer!!

Since reading that post I've had to rethink my whole post! I can't blame anyone but myself for my progress (or lack thereof in this case). I can't blame my friends cancer (it's Stage 3, btw - not 4 which they were concerned about...Thank YOU GOD!!), I can't blame my 20 year son who is now a full fledged-sworn-into-the-United-States-Marine-Corp-recruit! I can't blame anyone or anything but ME!! My lack of true, "hard as nails" dedication just hasn't been there. I've been sitting here at my computer far too many hours a day.

I've been doing "ok" with the food. I've been doing "ok" with the exercise. I've been participating in the 100 Days of Movement Challenge going on over at Facebook and haven't missed a day. I've been trying to "channel" the stress into doing positive things in my life...but I've just had too much going on in my head to really take "the bulls by the horns" and do what I know needs to be done to lose the weight like I promised myself I would. Really they are all excuses. I'm exercising VERY late at night. I'm going to bed late and sleeping late. I'm not logging into LoseIt and tracking my food. I'm not eating enough veggies (really I'm not eating any, if truth be told). I am eating fruit but that's not really a problem. I like fruit! Its the veggies I struggle with.

So...here are the results of this weeks less than stellar effort.

Starting weight - 3/25/09 - 226.8
Starting Challenge weight - 12/29/10 - 196.0
Last week - 196.2
This week - 197.0

Yes, once again I gained weight. Once again I have proven to myself that I need to get serious with this and get over all the "gunk" going on and challenge myself and my stress into the right things....like LOSING WEIGHT!!

I promised myself (2012 self) that I would be "thinner than my son can remember" when he graduates boot camp and I'm not gonna do that if I don't get a grip and start losing this weight. He will probably leave for boot camp within the next couple of months so I need to get losing!

Times a-wastin'....so starting today I track my food, drink my water (which I have been good about), and really working on getting those pounds off for good! Any help, suggestions or kick in the a$$ would be greatly appreciated! Thanks ya'll!!

Monday Project -- Letter From 2012 Me!

I'm participating in this weeks Monday project from the Sisterhood although I am doing it late...apparently I'm no earlier with my posts this year than I was last year! Some things never change, huh?

Anywho....I'm sitting here with so many thoughts running through my head and heart I can barely breathe properly. I am thinking of That Kid who is at this moment in "lock down" for his Marine Corp medical physical. If all goes according to HIS plan he will be signing up to be a Marine come tomorrow afternoon. What that means to me?? My 20 year old, 6 ft/215 pound BABY is about to join the Marines! Proud momma but UGH!!
I'm also thinking of my best real life friend who is going in for an MRI tomorrow afternoon to see if the aggressive Breast Cancer they found in one of her breast is in both. She believes it is.
My thoughts are also on my mom who is heading into knee replacement surgery on February 2nd. This should be a great thing for her but...you know??!!

So, as you can see I have much on my plate THAT I KNOW OF for this year. Let's see how the year goes according to my 2012 self!

Ann,
Here it is the beginning of 2012 and I just wanted to remind you of what a wonderful year you have had!! Glad to see you survived...oh wait, you didn't survive. You thrived!! What a wonderful year you had. The beginning of the year felt like you were gonna have another bust of a year. You struggled to get a hold of your emotions; what with your son joining the Marines and your friends breast cancer diagnosis and your moms knee surgery BUT you learned so much over the year I just felt I needed to remind you!

Emotional eating is not a part of your life any longer. You not only "got it by the horns" but you "wrangled it to the ground". Every time the emotional side of you told you to EAT and EAT and EAT, you went out and EXERCISED, and EXERCISED and EXERCISED!! Woman you are so fit now!!

You could probably take That Kid....not that you would, what with him being a Marine and all, but you could cuz you are one fit momma!!

Your friend also survived the breast cancer treatments with flying colors and is healthier than she has EVER been!

And your mom, well she has never been better. Not only did the first surgery go great but now she has 2 new knees and they are serving her well. She has taken walking back up and is doing above and beyond what her doctors thought possible. You were an instrumental part of that, so don't ever forget what a good influence you were on her. Encouraging her to walk and lose weight was just what the good doctor ordered!

In 2010 you surprised yourself by starting to run, not that you were fast but you were moving. Well 2011 saw you speed up and you now can run that full 5K in a competitive time. You ran a couple of races with friends from high school and that was a lot of fun, because 'they' used to be the runners and now you are all runners!! You also got to run your "first race" with your brother again! Man, that brought back some awesome memories!! You also started biking...not for racing but for fun! What memories that brought back to you from your childhood. You and That Other Kid love to bike together in the nearby bike paths and neighborhoods. It has been a great way to spend time with him that doesn't involve "parenting" or "schooling"...just hanging out has been great for both of you.

Homeschooling was very successful during the past year as well, since you learned to take one day at a time and not stress over the "basics". Learning how to go with the flow in every area of your life served you well. He has learned so much and it wasn't all "book" learning!

Your health and fitness levels are amazing for someone who is 46 years old and looking back at the pictures that you took at the end of 2010 for your Christmas calendar are just an additional reminder to you how hard you have worked during 2011. Looking at those pictures from last year and looking at you today are just unreal! Eating healthy foods that taste good is just like breathing to you now and it shows. You love to prepare healthy meals for the family that everyone likes to eat and you do so nearly every night. You still enjoy having a treat of ice cream or an occasional coke but neither are part of your routine diet now and your body has thanked you by losing all the excess fat that you were carrying around for some 20 years. Fruits, veggies, whole grain breads and lean meats are the norm in your diet now and you have a hard time thinking back to when it wasn't! Whooohooo!!

You were also able to contribute to getting all that "stupid debt" paid off in 2011. It made you feel like you were really doing a service to your family and it didn't hurt your family the way working did in 2010. I won't ruin all the surprises on how you did it, but everyone benefited from it in a positive way. You are now debt free and about to move into your first home. Yes, indeed 2011 was an awesome year!!

Can't wait to see what you do in 2012...

See you in a year!

Me

Sounds like its gonna be a great year!

Monday Project -- My 2011/2010 Letter

This Month over at the Sisterhood we are doing weekly/monthly projects. These are designed to help us "get our head in the game" and make us think outside of the box. Last January we did this and it was soooo enlightening. I still have my Motivation Board hanging above my computer (just have a couple of additions to it). On my Motivation board I have my letter to my 2011 self printed out. It has been interesting to look over it occasionally through this very difficult year. I have also seen things that I did that even my 2011 self didn't believe was possible! and there were things that my 2010 self got in the way of. My 2012 letter will follow in my next post but....first things first!



Good morning you healthy, happy thing,

Here it is the end of January 2011!! Can you believe how far you have come since the beginning of 2010? I can, but then again I had more confidence in you than you did at the beginning of the year. So let’s run through some of what has been accomplished during the year, shall we? I think you’ll be surprised.

The beginning of 2010 was a very stress filled time for you and your family while your hubby looked for employment and you both just wanted to give up on everything, but through the power of God and friendship you hung tough and pulled through.

Now he is happy and bringing in some big bucks through his work as an architect and other endeavors. You sucked it up and just decided you didn’t lose all that weight in 2009 to gain it all back and worked harder than ever at getting down to “goal weight” (which you just accomplished a couple of weeks ago!!) Yay!! You finally got to join your youngest son at the bounce house this summer, because you finally were “skinny” enough to ride the rides (150 pounds seemed like it would never show up on those finicky scales of yours), but you persevered and it finally appeared one day when you least expected it! Oh how happy your little man was when you got to play with him there!!

Exercising and eating right became such an important part of your life during 2010 that it is hard to even imagine going more than a day of eating junk food and laying around… that’s not to say there aren’t days that you don’t eat the “right” foods, or exercise, but now it is a rarity. The rest of the family is totally on board with you, too, so now everyone eats good, healthy foods and exercises right along with you. What a joy to have a healthy, strong family! This was also the year that your extended family started heading in the right direction with their health…That was fun to watch!

You also started doing things you never thought you could accomplish again; bike riding for long distances, hiking with friends, walking in the 3 Day Walk for the Cure, and even beginning to get into the running scene that all the girls at the Sisterhood have been doing all year. With the rough cartilage in your knees you never thought that you could do all these physically challenging activities but you can reverse a lot of health issues when you start taking care of your health. Your doctors are pleased beyond belief at what you have done this year and authorized you to go off all your medications except your allergy medication! Wow….you/I never would have thought that would be possible!

You had other accomplishments this year as well. You started getting caught up on some of your long awaited craft projects. You cross stitched a Christmas stocking for your little man, made some scrapbooks for both boys, and worked on a quilt for your oldest son. You also learned that you need time for YOU!! That was a difficult one, since other than exercising you rarely took any time for you before this year. You also started dating your husband again, which was beneficial for your entire family. What fun…

Well that takes care of the highlights of 2010. You have accomplished so many things this past year and I just wanted to sit down and tell you how proud I am of you for not giving up at the beginning of the year like you wanted to! That would have been the easy way out, and you chose to go the hard way…and we both know that nothing comes easy that is worth doing!

Love ya, Me!!

Well the year turned out to be much more difficult than anyone realized was even possible with me having to find employment for 7 months of this year, but during this time I still did my best to maintain some sense of health. I only gained about 20 pounds or so during those 7 months (which in all honesty is a small fraction of what it could have been if I had not been TRYING to eat properly). I have lost all but 5 of those additional pounds in the past 2 1/2 months, too! I also learned more about myself during those 7 months than I ever knew needed to be learned!

I did take up running!! I know I'm shocked too! I have run 2 outside 5K's and I also did a indoor/treadmill 5K yesterday. I'm slow but hey, that's ok...I'm running and although I wouldn't say I love it, I do like how I feel empowered by the knowledge of being ABLE to run!! My parents and one of my uncles also started walking on the indoor track in their local rec center and I can't tell you how happy I am about that! My brother (who is an inspiration to me) has also been doing triathalons and various races. He was how I managed to make it through my first 5K in October...

I am still in the process of losing weight but with the year I just came out of I guess I should be thankful I'm not starting over again! I wasn't able to play with That Other Kid at the bounce house yet but I know that by the end of the year I will be able to...IF I do what I know needs to be done. My "me time" was dramatically reduced (even more so than usual) since I worked more than half the year so I didn't get to work on any of my craft projects but I'm ok with that. There's always this year!!

The hubby and I have started spending (most) Saturday evenings at home watching Netflix movies for our version of date night! It has been nice and fun!! We've seen some WEIRD movies and some good ones...you just never know on some of these movies!

Well that takes care of this year...I'm praying for a much more successful year for 2011!! Stay tuned for my 2012/2011 letter!

Virtual 5K -- C25K Wk8D3 and Beyond!!

Today was the Virtual 5K over at the Sisterhood and I've been training for the past 9 weeks for this day. I fell a bit behind over the Christmas/New Years week but I was determined to not let this stop me from participating in the 5K with my friends. This morning I helped That Kid move into his first non-school related apartment and so I didn't get to do my run in the morning like I had planned, so after I got home, fed That Other Kid some food (he was STARVING!!! or so he said, and I guess he was since he ate 12 Chick-fil-a nuggets AND an order of fries) I got my running clothes on and went over to the gym. My plan all along was to complete the C25K training for the day and then finish off by running/walking to the 5K point.

I have to say, I was tired before I even went to the gym but knowing that all my friends were doing this run today and then a bunch of other ladies (Kristen, Brooke, Audrey, Christie) were doing 13 or 26 miles just made me want to do my measley 28 MINUTES of running. And I'm sure they all will be running a LOT faster than I did it on the treadmill!! Anyways, so I took off and set the treadmill for a 4.2 and ran till I got to the halfway point when I turned it down to 4.0 (like I said I'm SLOW!!) and kept running!! When I hit my cool down session I set the treadmill on 3.5 and walked. Once the "session" was over I noticed that I still had about 1/2 mile left so I decided to run as much as I could and walk some to take a breather. I did 4 minutes of running, 2 minutes of walking and finished off strong (for me!) with a run. I finished the 5K at just 47 minutes and it FELT GOOD!! I was so glad that I did this...

I came home and snapped this picture...yes, red faced and sweaty!! This is what the gym and the treadmill do to me!!




The rest of the evening I relaxed and watched a movie with the hubs! I figured I deserved it!! What an emotion filled day!! and guess what?? I didn't eat my way through it!! I RAN (ok it was more like a wog) but for me it was a run!!

Power of One - Weigh In

It's weigh in time at the Sisterhood. Let's get right to it...
Here are the nitty gritty numbers --

Last week -- 196
This week -- 196.2

Not what I had hoped for but it is what it is...I'm learning a lot about myself already this year. I'm learning that I am going to need to take the time for myself. I'm learning that I CAN NOT let stress RULE my eating. It doesn't make me feel better and it doesn't help ease the situation. I'm also learning that I need to stop letting the day slip away without getting enough of the proper nutrients in my body. For the past couple of nights I have been sooooo hungry right before bed that I have had a snack (probably why I gained .2 pounds). Although I HAVE made good choices with those snacks I still have eaten very late at night and that's not good for me. Gotta start tracking food again so I know what is going on with the calories...so that is my goal for the week.

I have been doing well with my goals that I established this past week with only taking one day off from exercising (New Years Eve it just didn't happen!!). Since then I have joined in a Facebook Challenge called the 100 Days Challenge where you are supposed to exercise for a minimum of 30 minutes for 100 days....so far so good on that one, too! Last night I would have just called it a night after about 15 minutes had it not been for this challenge but I didn't want to not complete the 30 minutes because I wanted my sticker on my day 4!!

This has been an challenging week -- my hubby is sick, my best friend just found out she has aggressive breast cancer and That Kid is preparing to move into his first non-college related apartment. And like most of the kids in the country we have started back to our homeschool routine. I just have a lot of "stuff" running through my head and I'm trying to make sure I am balancing everything properly.

I also made those pesty goals of cleaning/organizing something in the house for 30 minutes a day....that one seems to be the goal that is most difficult to get moving on. I have done some things every day, but not the 30 minutes I had wanted everyday. Oh well, if I keep at it I will get there.

My goals for the week -- get control of the night eating, and only eat when I'm hungry...not upset or stressed!

Have ya'll seen the Monday Project for the week? It's a great one and very liberating....at least it was last year! I haven't done this years letter yet but I'm still planning to. I hope you decide to participate...it will help you look at yourself from a whole new light. Hope you are having a good 2011 so far!

In other news: I have completed week 7 and I've moved onto week 8 in the Couch 2 5K program -- which in layman terms means I ran 25 minutes straight without stopping. Week 8 is 28 minutes of running without stopping! I did do day 1 but I had to take a "rest" break at the halfway point! The gym is too stinkin' hot for my taste and I got overheated!! I'm ready to do day 2 of Week 8 but I'm really sore so I decided to take a couple of days off from running...my knees were starting to be really sore and I don't want to be sidelined!!

Welcome to 2011!!

This is the first day of the rest of my life as the saying oges and I'm going to make the most of it. It is 2011 and my oldest son will turn 21 this summer and my youngest son just turned 7. I think it is high time I get this weight off and start living a healthy, active life. I already know of several challenges that COULD derail me for this year if I don't take control of these issues right off from the beginning.

I don't usually make "new year resolutions" because I rarely find the motivation to continue them after the first week of the year, but I really have found that goals (if broken down into short term goals) are much easier to deal with and achieve.

So here are a few of my goals for the next couple of months. They follow along with the goals I have set up for the Power Of One Challenge over at the Sisterhood. You do know about the Sisterhood of Shrinking Jeans, right? They are an awesome group of women (along with 1 guy) that support me (and many others) during this weight loss journey. They offer challenges, support and much friendship. They are amazing and you really do need to check them out!!

Anyway...here are my goals...

1) Read my Bible and read for fun every day!
2) Exercise some every day! and for the next 100 Days there is a challenge going on through Facebook that I am participating in to exercise 30 minutes every day!! I am so excited to be a part of this!!
3) Continue drinking my water - at least 1/2 my body weight daily!

4) Do some cleaning and organizing of my house every day....right now it is out of control and I need to get it taken care of! I think I am going to need some serious help with this one...may need to enlist some help from FlyLady and other organizing websites. Any ideas??

This is all I have decided to commit to right now...If I try to do too many I wont be able to accomplish them and accomplishment is what I am after!!

I would like to wish all of you and healthy and prosperous New Year! May 2011 be better than 2010!!