Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Thankfulness and Confessions

I'm going to take this opportunity to say thank you to whoever created the massage industry! Yesterday I was sore from my weekend (can't imagine why though) and so I decided a massage would be a good idea. Tried getting into 5 different places yesterday with no luck but got in this morning at 9:30 and I'm so glad I did! I feel like a whole different woman!

Now....onto the confessions portion of this blog post.

Mel posted her confessions this morning telling us about how she has been struggling! I have to say it again...I am too!

During all the training for the Komen 3 Day I felt confident that I would lose weight and hit goal weight before the actual walk. Instead I weigh pretty much the same as I did this summer when I first started training for the walk. Late last night and this morning I was looking at some of the pictures from this weekend and there were a couple of them that I literally felt sick about! Here I am walking 60 miles and doing all this training to prepare for it and I'm still sitting around the 200 pound mark! Unbelievable!

I'm sick of being in this weight range. I want to be sitting at my goal weight. I want to go see my son at Camp Pendleton, San Diego and not feel fat, frumpy and out of shape. But we are only about 6 weeks away from that time and I don't see how I can lose 20 or 30 pounds in that time (in a healthy way). I'm so frustrated with myself. I know he won't care how I look. He will just be happy to have a couple of weeks of freedom..it's all about how I feel about my appearance. It's all about disappointing myself and the lack of self-control I have exhibited.

This weekend I did walk 60 miles in 3 days! It was the most exhilarating and empowering experience of my life and I ate the whole time I was walking! I had so much food as I was walking that at "meal times" I wasn't really hungry. That is just pathetic if you ask me. So I'm almost afraid to look at the scale tomorrow morning. But...I will own up to it and accept the number and realize that my self-worth is not defined by the number on the scale or the appearance of my body in a picture (no matter how much my head screams that it is!)

I'm ready to turn a new leaf and get back to the healthy eating and exercise. Now...the million dollar question is, "will I do it?" or "will I continue to make excuses?" Only time will tell, right?

1 comment:

Brooke said...

do you know how impossible it is to train for a big event and actually lose weight? your body needed fuel for this event - don't beat yourself up!!